My son's rent is $1K per month

Housing in NYC is no joke! Anyone who has ever tried to lease in Manhattan knows it’s a real pain in the ass to find a decent apartment that you can actually afford.

With a vacancy rate of less than 1%, it’s no wonder that you are told to come cash in hand and ready to sign a lease the first time you look at a place. Wait a week or even a day and it may be snatched up by some other lucky schmuck paying out the rear.

It’s soo expensive for what you get – I’d say an average one bedroom is 600 square feet and the average two bedroom is 800 square feet (if you are lucky). “But you are in New York! so it’s worth it,” everyone says.

Yeah, yeah, I love New York too! I love walking to my favorite cafes and restaurants, blah, blah, blah, but I do NOT love the lack of space.

I want a room for each family member. I want a dining room table. I don't want to have to go to the mini-storage in search of a sweater stored away for the summer. But when your largest kitchen appliances are a George Foreman and a wine fridge, forget about a dining room table. You've got bigger problems.

The kicker is I feel like I have been downsizing ever since college. Aren't I supposed to be moving up in the world and able to afford nicer things by now? In Miami, I lived in a 2 bedroom, 1,200 square foot condo (with roommates) overlooking Key Biscayne. In DC, I lived in a 1,000 sq foot one bedroom condo downtown with a rooftop pool and grill. In Cambridge, I lived in a 900 square foot 2 bedroom in a multi-family home. Now, I live in a 600 square foot apartment in a doorman building in New York (it’s a nice building, don’t get me wrong, it’s just made for ants... remember that scene from Zoolander?). And all the while, the price goes up, and my square footage goes down. What is wrong with this picture?!

I know I wrote a lovely post about coming to peace with living in a small space and being minimal and not acquiring things I don’t need. But what about oxygen? Because I’m seriously becoming claustrophobic. As the baby stuff piles higher and higher and my due date moves closer and closer, my anxiety level is climbing.

Not to mention this whole issue of accommodating guests who want to visit when the baby is born. Under normal conditions, I suppose you would have your mother come stay for a week to help out. And she would stay in your guest room. Just a room with a closing door where they could sleep (or hide from a new hormonal momzilla).

In my apartment, two adults and are a dog are pushing it, never mind a newborn and his entourage. There are no closing doors and no privacy. This drives me insane. I’m just imaging boobs everywhere and everyone walking around like zombies after not sleeping through the night.

Moving on... I've learned that I’ll only get 2 of 3 things out of a rental apartment in NYC – price, location or size.

If I want to live in a desirable neighborhood like the West Village, I’ll get location and if I’m able to find a decent price, it will be for a 500 square foot 4^th floor walk up. No thanks!

If I want a larger place, say 1,000 square feet, 2 bedroom, I could move to the lower east side next to a former crack den. Ugh!

And if I find my dream apartment, a 1,000 square foot, two bedroom in a doorman building in Tribeca, I’ll need to get a third roommate in order to afford it. Any takers?

The insane thing is I’m not even searching for 2 bedrooms anymore. I’ll try my luck with a 1 bedroom plus office or dining room or any 4x4 feet alcove that I could squeeze a crib into, hang a shower curtain over the entrance and call it a nursery.

Especially after considering a second bedroom usually comes with a $1K jump in rent. Really!? Does an extra 100 square feet really cost a ‘G’ more? At what age, should I require my son start paying rent?

Ah well, maybe my sweet baby can live in that pack and play bassinet in the corner of our bedroom for a year or two after all.