Mo' money mo' problems!

I want to share two interesting articles about couples sharing money. The original appearing in the NYT and the response appearing on Jezebel.com:

What’s the Best Way for Women to Trick their Husbands into Buying Them Shoes?

"How do modern couples manage their finances - and how does that affect the status of women, their long-term financial security and even their career prospects?" 

That's the opening line of Katrin Bennhold's piece in today's New York Times... about marriage's "unseen bottom line." A worthy, thought-provoking question, right? Unfortunately, Bennhold ...has apparently traveled back a few decades to an era in which women are completely ignorant about their family finances, and pool money with their partners not to foster equality in a mature relationship but so they can "enjoy some unscrutinized spending." Betty Draper, is that you?

Read the complete article on Jezebel.

(I love that line highlighted above.)


The NYT article surveys a small sample of couples (nearly half with a joint spending account) about how they spend money and primarily how the woman spends money compared to her husband.

Some women feel like they need their own personal spending account so to not be scrutinized by their husbands. I can see why she prefers to buy expensive shoes and bags without accountability (woo-hoo), but is the real issue a question of financial responsibility? Why would your husband scrutinize your actions unless you are buying a new pair of Jimmy Choos for the 10th time this year or can't afford the high price item at all? At which point, isn't it beneficial for someone to hold you accountable for your actions? Likewise, if my husband wants to buy a new suit and dress shoes for work (as we coincidentally discussed last night), I expect it to be a justified purchase (especially if the money could be better used for our summer vacation).

In my family, a justified purchase is a) needed such as a winter coat. Or b) wanted yet affordable like a pair of designer sunglasses on sale. And c) it may not cause spousal distress. For example, if my husband goes to Vegas and spends a couple grand for a friend's birthday party in the same month our son is due to be born, this will cause me distress. If I buy the 10th maternity dress that I will only wear for another 4 weeks, this will cause my husband distress. All kidding aside, it's about respect for the other person. 

Another woman in the article reported how she "bills" a portion of her cell phone bill, prenatal massage, and waxing to their joint account (after all, the husband benefits from these things...). But doesn't this penny-counting seem a lot harder than just pooling your income together and making justified purchases when necessary? How do you even prorate a bikini wax?

More than ever, EQUALITY seems to be the issue at hand regarding race, sexuality, and gender, so why are women being so damn difficult when defining what they want? It sounds like we are either screaming for our independence (our own income, our own spending accounts, not to mention reimbursement for all items that may benefit the man) or we are sheep following our shepherd. 

The latter includes women accepting an allowance from their husband with no influence on the family's financial management and those completely in the dark altogether about such things. I can't believe there are women out there who don't know the password to their shared bank account, don't know how much money their husband's make, don't know what their investments are, don't know if they have life insurance, retirement accounts or college savings plans. God forbid, something happens to my husband, who is going to inherent our financial situation if not me? 

To me, EQUALITY in a relationship means mutual respect and opportunities for one another. Financially speaking, being equal does not mean tit for tat and dollar for dollar. It's not about who makes more or who spends more if both parties are striving for a healthy relationship at the end of the day. When you are approaching finances for the good of all members of the family, the end result usually works out pretty well.


What do you think?