My fear of raising a spoiled brat

Raising a child that could star on Gossip Girl has been my only fear about parenting. Specifically, I don’t want my child to be so over-programmed with activities, over-exposed to new experiences, and overly mature for their age that they become bored and resolve to partying, doing drugs, and spending money (not so far-fetched in Manhattan). What I’m trying to say is I don’t want a spoiled ungrateful brat. Who does?

I grew up in the suburbs with an average middle-income family and so did my husband. I never wanted for necessities but was never over-indulged by my parents. I got a job when I was 16 to pay for my first car. And when I decided I was too cool to wear school clothes from Sears or JCPenny (courtesy of mom), I used what was left of my meager lifeguard salary to buy one cool shirt every few months from American Eagle or Abercrombie & Fitch. When it came time for college applications, I knew I had better get some scholarships because as a first generation college student, my parents couldn’t really afford tuition. Maybe because I was the oldest in my family, but I was just naturally independent. When I drove across country in the weeks following high school graduation, it was with a hand-full of my own savings and without my parents credit card (unlike many college classmates I knew).

Flash forward to now. My husband has a successful career and we’ve made good financial decisions. We have also chosen to live in one of the most expensive, competitive, and opportunistic cities in the world. How will New York harm versus help my child? 


Will I be hosting a cirque du soleil-themed birthday party complete with the cast of Zarkana? And when my kid turns sixteen, will he expect a brand new Land Rover (after all, Blu Ivy Carter got one for her sweet 16, it’s so unfair)? Will he slack in school, knowing that with the right connections and his parents wallet, he can get into a prestigious college without any true merit of their own?

These are my fears. How do we give our children everything without giving them everything? How do we teach them the pride that comes with working hard for something? How do we teach them to be grateful? How do we teach them to not have expectations about what they deserve?

If it means preserving their sense of awe and appreciation, maybe we should pack up and move to the country (and I don't mean Westchester County). 

I think it’s the goal of most parents to create a better life for their children than we had. But how do we not spoil them in the process? Especially in a place like Manhattan?