The year of the dragon

Living in a cultural salad bowl in NYC, I have been told many times that I’m blessed to be having a baby this year - the Year of the Dragon – the luckiest year to have a baby according to Chinese astrology! While I’m not Chinese, I do appreciate the beliefs of other cultures, especially if they are in my favor!

(I love the whole idea of being a Dragon Mother... how amazing is Khaleesi afterall?!)

Babies born in the year of the dragon are considered to be the strongest, smartest, and luckiest. Even better, boys born in the year of the dragon are said to be even more auspicious! Dragon boys are said to be destined to be successful and wealthy.

And true believers don’t take the auspicious year lightly! Chinese couples literally plan their family around the Chinese Lunar calendar. Among New York City’s Chinatown population, downtown’s maternity unit will likely see a 25% spike in deliveries in 2012. China is anticipating a 5% increase in the number of babies this year. 

According to Wikipedia, “Dragons are mythical powerful creatures worshiped by Chinese culture. A Dragon symbolizes strength, health, harmony, and intellectuality. Many consider Dragon people extremely lucky and blessed. Most people under this eccentric Chinese Horoscope sign are generally charismatic, gifted with great powers, and can evolve to become great inventors, scientists, actors, lawyers, politicians, and managers. It is unlikely for a Dragon to go unnoticed from a social meeting or a party. Their unique attitude and self confidence will always work wonders in such situations. Dragon people are also well known for their honesty and sense of duty. These characteristics can sometime work against them because others will tend to take advantage of them. Most Dragon people are compassionate, patient, and ambitious people, thus they make loyal friends and great companions.”

(Maybe it was destiny telling me to buy that “future president” onesie!)

My son's rent is $1K per month

Housing in NYC is no joke! Anyone who has ever tried to lease in Manhattan knows it’s a real pain in the ass to find a decent apartment that you can actually afford.

With a vacancy rate of less than 1%, it’s no wonder that you are told to come cash in hand and ready to sign a lease the first time you look at a place. Wait a week or even a day and it may be snatched up by some other lucky schmuck paying out the rear.

It’s soo expensive for what you get – I’d say an average one bedroom is 600 square feet and the average two bedroom is 800 square feet (if you are lucky). “But you are in New York! so it’s worth it,” everyone says.

Yeah, yeah, I love New York too! I love walking to my favorite cafes and restaurants, blah, blah, blah, but I do NOT love the lack of space.

I want a room for each family member. I want a dining room table. I don't want to have to go to the mini-storage in search of a sweater stored away for the summer. But when your largest kitchen appliances are a George Foreman and a wine fridge, forget about a dining room table. You've got bigger problems.

The kicker is I feel like I have been downsizing ever since college. Aren't I supposed to be moving up in the world and able to afford nicer things by now? In Miami, I lived in a 2 bedroom, 1,200 square foot condo (with roommates) overlooking Key Biscayne. In DC, I lived in a 1,000 sq foot one bedroom condo downtown with a rooftop pool and grill. In Cambridge, I lived in a 900 square foot 2 bedroom in a multi-family home. Now, I live in a 600 square foot apartment in a doorman building in New York (it’s a nice building, don’t get me wrong, it’s just made for ants... remember that scene from Zoolander?). And all the while, the price goes up, and my square footage goes down. What is wrong with this picture?!

I know I wrote a lovely post about coming to peace with living in a small space and being minimal and not acquiring things I don’t need. But what about oxygen? Because I’m seriously becoming claustrophobic. As the baby stuff piles higher and higher and my due date moves closer and closer, my anxiety level is climbing.

Not to mention this whole issue of accommodating guests who want to visit when the baby is born. Under normal conditions, I suppose you would have your mother come stay for a week to help out. And she would stay in your guest room. Just a room with a closing door where they could sleep (or hide from a new hormonal momzilla).

In my apartment, two adults and are a dog are pushing it, never mind a newborn and his entourage. There are no closing doors and no privacy. This drives me insane. I’m just imaging boobs everywhere and everyone walking around like zombies after not sleeping through the night.

Moving on... I've learned that I’ll only get 2 of 3 things out of a rental apartment in NYC – price, location or size.

If I want to live in a desirable neighborhood like the West Village, I’ll get location and if I’m able to find a decent price, it will be for a 500 square foot 4^th floor walk up. No thanks!

If I want a larger place, say 1,000 square feet, 2 bedroom, I could move to the lower east side next to a former crack den. Ugh!

And if I find my dream apartment, a 1,000 square foot, two bedroom in a doorman building in Tribeca, I’ll need to get a third roommate in order to afford it. Any takers?

The insane thing is I’m not even searching for 2 bedrooms anymore. I’ll try my luck with a 1 bedroom plus office or dining room or any 4x4 feet alcove that I could squeeze a crib into, hang a shower curtain over the entrance and call it a nursery.

Especially after considering a second bedroom usually comes with a $1K jump in rent. Really!? Does an extra 100 square feet really cost a ‘G’ more? At what age, should I require my son start paying rent?

Ah well, maybe my sweet baby can live in that pack and play bassinet in the corner of our bedroom for a year or two after all.

My fear of raising a spoiled brat

Raising a child that could star on Gossip Girl has been my only fear about parenting. Specifically, I don’t want my child to be so over-programmed with activities, over-exposed to new experiences, and overly mature for their age that they become bored and resolve to partying, doing drugs, and spending money (not so far-fetched in Manhattan). What I’m trying to say is I don’t want a spoiled ungrateful brat. Who does?

I grew up in the suburbs with an average middle-income family and so did my husband. I never wanted for necessities but was never over-indulged by my parents. I got a job when I was 16 to pay for my first car. And when I decided I was too cool to wear school clothes from Sears or JCPenny (courtesy of mom), I used what was left of my meager lifeguard salary to buy one cool shirt every few months from American Eagle or Abercrombie & Fitch. When it came time for college applications, I knew I had better get some scholarships because as a first generation college student, my parents couldn’t really afford tuition. Maybe because I was the oldest in my family, but I was just naturally independent. When I drove across country in the weeks following high school graduation, it was with a hand-full of my own savings and without my parents credit card (unlike many college classmates I knew).

Flash forward to now. My husband has a successful career and we’ve made good financial decisions. We have also chosen to live in one of the most expensive, competitive, and opportunistic cities in the world. How will New York harm versus help my child? 


Will I be hosting a cirque du soleil-themed birthday party complete with the cast of Zarkana? And when my kid turns sixteen, will he expect a brand new Land Rover (after all, Blu Ivy Carter got one for her sweet 16, it’s so unfair)? Will he slack in school, knowing that with the right connections and his parents wallet, he can get into a prestigious college without any true merit of their own?

These are my fears. How do we give our children everything without giving them everything? How do we teach them the pride that comes with working hard for something? How do we teach them to be grateful? How do we teach them to not have expectations about what they deserve?

If it means preserving their sense of awe and appreciation, maybe we should pack up and move to the country (and I don't mean Westchester County). 

I think it’s the goal of most parents to create a better life for their children than we had. But how do we not spoil them in the process? Especially in a place like Manhattan?

Craving NYC Burgers and Fries & French Toast and Waffles

While I’m not sending my husband out in the middle of the night for pickles, I do love eating two things right now: burgers and fries and french toast and waffles!

They taste exceptionally yummy lately! So yummy that I dedicate my weekends in NYC to trying a new restaurant offering one of the above. And of course, you can't go to the same place twice in NYC so I've eaten many different burgers and french toast plates. I’ve also been trying to eat only organic meat throughout my pregnancy. In addition to health benefits, organic meat really does have more taste and flavor. You’ll see all the burgers below are without hormones and mostly locally farmed.

Here are my favs in order of Good, Better, Best:

Burgers

6. Shake Shack – ShackBurger single …$4.55

- American cheese, lettuce, tomato and ShackSauce. (100% all natural Angus beef. No hormones and no antibiotics ever. We grind our proprietary Shack blend fresh daily.)

5. Minetta Tavern - Minetta Burger …$17

- with cheddar and caramelized onions. (I went with the smaller burger, although they are known for their Black Label Burger made from a selection of prime dry-aged beef cuts, $26)

4. Bareburger – The Original 6 oz. Burger … $9.65

- Organic Beef, brioche bun, colby jack, lettuce, tomato, raw red onion and bareburger special sauce. (all Bareburger meats are free-range, pasture raised, antibiotic and hormone free. Choice of burger includes organic beef, organic turkey, veggie burger, organic portabella mushroom, free-range chicken, lamb, wild boar, elk, and organic bison.) (pictured R)

3. The Green Table - GT Burger …$16

- Wrighteous Organics beef, kimchi, bacon & tomato relish, Amy’s roll. (All food is sourced from local family farms exercising humane and environmentally friendly practices.) 

2. Tipsy Parson - Grafton Cheddar Cheeseburger …$15

- 8 oz. house-ground organic patty, Grafton cheddar, red onion, potato bun, with fried pickle spear & fries with old bay aioli, with bacon ADD 1.

1. Smorgas Chef - Smorgas Burger ...$13 

- Grilled sirloin, lettuce, dill dressing, tomato, pickles (local, sustainable, and all-natural ingredients. Smorgas owns and operates its own 150-acre farm in the Catskills.)

French Toast & Waffles

5. Jane - Vanilla Bean French Toast ...$15

- brioche bread, crème brûlèe batter, Vermont maple syrup.

4. Alice's Tea Cup - Wonderland Waffles ...$10
- served with homemade blueberry compound butter and real maple syrup, add mixed berries ADD $3. (pictured R)


3. Intermezzo - French Toast …$11

- crème brulee rum sauce, with strawberries and bananas ADD $4. (this was on their menu of day’s specials.)

2. Sarabeth's TriBeCa - Apple-Cinnamon French Toast with Bananas and Raisins ...$15.50

- served with warm organic maple syrup from doerfler's farm.

1. The Garage Restaurant & Cafe - Vanilla Bean Soaked French Toast ...$16.95

- served with syrup and your choice of homemade macadamia coconut rum butter, sliced fresh bananas and homemade chocolate sauce, or our chef's cinnamon apple compote. (I ordered it with all of the above.) (pictured R)

Now who’s hungry? 

Mo' money mo' problems!

I want to share two interesting articles about couples sharing money. The original appearing in the NYT and the response appearing on Jezebel.com:

What’s the Best Way for Women to Trick their Husbands into Buying Them Shoes?

"How do modern couples manage their finances - and how does that affect the status of women, their long-term financial security and even their career prospects?" 

That's the opening line of Katrin Bennhold's piece in today's New York Times... about marriage's "unseen bottom line." A worthy, thought-provoking question, right? Unfortunately, Bennhold ...has apparently traveled back a few decades to an era in which women are completely ignorant about their family finances, and pool money with their partners not to foster equality in a mature relationship but so they can "enjoy some unscrutinized spending." Betty Draper, is that you?

Read the complete article on Jezebel.

(I love that line highlighted above.)


The NYT article surveys a small sample of couples (nearly half with a joint spending account) about how they spend money and primarily how the woman spends money compared to her husband.

Some women feel like they need their own personal spending account so to not be scrutinized by their husbands. I can see why she prefers to buy expensive shoes and bags without accountability (woo-hoo), but is the real issue a question of financial responsibility? Why would your husband scrutinize your actions unless you are buying a new pair of Jimmy Choos for the 10th time this year or can't afford the high price item at all? At which point, isn't it beneficial for someone to hold you accountable for your actions? Likewise, if my husband wants to buy a new suit and dress shoes for work (as we coincidentally discussed last night), I expect it to be a justified purchase (especially if the money could be better used for our summer vacation).

In my family, a justified purchase is a) needed such as a winter coat. Or b) wanted yet affordable like a pair of designer sunglasses on sale. And c) it may not cause spousal distress. For example, if my husband goes to Vegas and spends a couple grand for a friend's birthday party in the same month our son is due to be born, this will cause me distress. If I buy the 10th maternity dress that I will only wear for another 4 weeks, this will cause my husband distress. All kidding aside, it's about respect for the other person. 

Another woman in the article reported how she "bills" a portion of her cell phone bill, prenatal massage, and waxing to their joint account (after all, the husband benefits from these things...). But doesn't this penny-counting seem a lot harder than just pooling your income together and making justified purchases when necessary? How do you even prorate a bikini wax?

More than ever, EQUALITY seems to be the issue at hand regarding race, sexuality, and gender, so why are women being so damn difficult when defining what they want? It sounds like we are either screaming for our independence (our own income, our own spending accounts, not to mention reimbursement for all items that may benefit the man) or we are sheep following our shepherd. 

The latter includes women accepting an allowance from their husband with no influence on the family's financial management and those completely in the dark altogether about such things. I can't believe there are women out there who don't know the password to their shared bank account, don't know how much money their husband's make, don't know what their investments are, don't know if they have life insurance, retirement accounts or college savings plans. God forbid, something happens to my husband, who is going to inherent our financial situation if not me? 

To me, EQUALITY in a relationship means mutual respect and opportunities for one another. Financially speaking, being equal does not mean tit for tat and dollar for dollar. It's not about who makes more or who spends more if both parties are striving for a healthy relationship at the end of the day. When you are approaching finances for the good of all members of the family, the end result usually works out pretty well.


What do you think?

From rutabaga to squash to coconut, oh my!

Since BIG seems to be the theme of my blog posts this week, I want to report on another BIG thing - my BIG baby!

This week I had an ultrasound at 32 weeks to check on my low placenta... It was seriously .1 cm lower than it is supposed to be. What's up placenta? Get a move on!

Anyway, I was more excited to see the little guy in my belly... or should I say BIG guy in my belly! He is measuring 5 pounds already! OMG, that sounds really big when I still have 8 weeks to go! My husband literally gave me his condolences... really?!

Thebump.com says at 32 weeks pregnant, your baby is the size of a squash, weighing in at 2.5 to 3.8 pounds. 

From 33-36 weeks, your baby's the size of a durian (what the hell is that anyway?), butternut squash, coconut, or honey dew, weighing about 4.2 to 5.8 pounds. That's more like it! So maybe we are a week ahead of schedule?!

I don't know why we were so surprised! Looking back, he has been bigger than average at every ultrasound we've had. At 20 weeks, he was measuring in the 69th percentile. (Who knew they even had percentiles for fetuses?!) Maybe our shock was due to the fact that 5 pounds sounds like the size of a real baby versus a head of cabbage or a rutabaga as we imagined him before. 

I asked my Doctor about his weight and what to expect when expecting a MONSTER baby. She admitted it sounded bigger than usual. But they definitely won't induce labor early just because the baby is larger since it creates an increased chance of having a C-Section. But if he is larger than 11 pounds, they may offer a C-Section when the time comes. Are we seriously talking about 11 pounds as if it's an option?

Obviously, big or small, watermelon or coconut, as long as he is healthy, that is what matters! (But I won't complain if he decides to show his face a week earlier and a pound lighter. Fingers-crossed!)

Big City = Big Baby Shower!

You haven't seen gift bags until you've attended the Big City Moms' Biggest Baby Shower Ever event in NYC! I left with a ton of stuff. Seriously, check out this photo! 

In addition to the standard (GIANT) gift bag filled with bottles, booties, hats, nursery decor, organic snacks, lotions, coupons, books, and more, I also left with a Britax carrier, two Bright Starts Mombo feeding pillows (somehow my husband walked out with an extra one), and a Diaper Genie Deluxe. 

Although my husband insists these things weren't "free" because we bought tickets to the event, I still crossed the carrier, feeding pillow, and diaper genie off my registry!

The trade show-like event took place Wednesday at the Metropolitan Pavilion in NYC. Over 100 vendors had products on display for expecting moms (and dads). 

In addition to the big players in the industry like Skip Hop, Britax, Chicco, UPPAbaby, Fisher Price, Moby Wrap, and Baby Jogger, it was interesting to meet some of the other new innovative companies out there: 

Sage Spoonfuls - Liza Huber had a great demo table displaying her cookbook and products for making easy and healthy baby food. Plus, her mom, Susan Lucci, was on hand supporting her daughter. That was nice! The cookbook had user-friendly recipes made from a variety of fruits, veggies, and meats. I added the book to my registry.

Magnificent Baby - Immediately caught my eye with their magnetic closures on baby onesies, jammies, and gowns. Seriously, not even Dad could mess this up! So smart!

Baby Brezza - One-step baby food maker was pretty impressive! You can steam and puree in the same appliance! Looks like a super time saver!

Belly Bandid - This is the belly flattening wrap for post-pregnancy that Kourtney Kardashian endorses. I'm curious if it makes a real difference versus not wearing it. Any thoughts on this?

The Honest Company - As if Jessica Alba isn't busy enough, she founded this all natural line of products for baby, mom, and home. I'm really looking forward to trying the fragrance-free lotion because my skin has been so sensitive during pregnancy!

You also had your choice of seminars throughout the evening featuring the following speakers:

Tia Mowry - discussing her book Oh, Baby!, the highs (and lows) of preganacy

Dr. Bob Sears - Everything you need to know about Colic

Dr. Alan Greene - Good Taste Begins with Mom: Developing a Healthy Eater Right from the Start

Jessica Alba - The Honest Company

Melissa Joan Hart - Business of Being Born

For those of you who know me, you already know the celebrity sightings were my favorite part of the event! Seriously though, it's great to see successful women who are also involved mothers! Clearly these stars have better things to do than make appearances in a room full of crazy pregnant ladies (ie: Jessica Alba was just at the Met Costume Gala a few days before). So it leads me to believe, they really care about the topics they were promoting!

That goes for all the entrepreneurial moms demonstrating their products at the event. You know they probably came up with the idea at their kitchen table in the middle of the night somewhere between birth and the first year. It's inspiring! I'd love to be able to do the same! You never know what motherhood may bring!

Thanks Big City Moms!

My tea party shower in the city

This past weekend, I was joined by friends and family for my baby shower at Lady Mendl’s Tea Salon at the Inn at Irving Place.

As we all know, space is the biggest challenge for New Yorkers. I couldn't host a traditional shower in my apartment due to a max capacity of 4 people. So finding a venue that could accommodate a flock of excitable women "Ooooing and Ahhhing" over baby things became the first priority. With a guest list of approximately 20, it was no easy task to simply make a lunch reservation.

I explored a few different restaurants and tea parlors looking for a venue that could provide a private space and a suitable ambiance for a baby shower including Alice’s Tea Cup and Sprinkles Cupcakes before selecting Lady Mendl’s Tea Salon.

A traditional 5 course English tea service – a first for most of us – in a private salon in a beautiful Victorian inn made for a truly perfect shower!

The Elsie de Wolfe salon was reserved for my guests for 3 hours (so we had plenty of time for chatting, eating, game playing, and opening gifts). I loved the gold walls and Victorian décor and the formal china table settings laid out for us made it very elegant. For city folk and out-of-towners alike, the tea party was a unique occasion for us to dress in our Sunday best and even show off our best interpretation of an English hat or head piece.

The 5 course tea service included:

Champagne Cocktail

Butternut Squash Amuse Bouche (a mini quiche)

Tea Sandwiches:

Smoked Salmon with Dill Cream Cheese on Pumpernickel

Cucumber with Mint Crème Fraiche on Brioche

Classic Egg Salad on Rye

Smoked Turkey & Cranberry on Seven Grain

Scones with Devonshire Clotted Cream & Strawberry Preserves

Cake with Raspberry Coulis

Assorted Cookies & Chocolate Covered Strawberries

And of course, freshly seeped teas throughout.

My lovely hosts (two friends and mother-in-law) personalized the event with games including celebrity baby names quiz, guess how round my belly is, and how many animal crackers in a tea pot. They had a framed ultrasound image of our baby and asked guests to sign the matting (like a guest book). For favors, each guest took home a tea cup and saucer containing candies and customized tea bags printed with my baby’s name and due date. It was the cutest thing ever!

In the end, New York City pleasantly surprised me by offering a totally unique baby shower experience! While defying the mold of a traditional baby shower, I think all my guests agree it was fun to try something totally new!