New mom vs 600 sq ft apartment

I love reading the real estate section in New York mag titled “Life Swap: What If You Left?” Like if you traded in your 600 sq ft, one bedroom apartment in Manhattan, you could get a 6,600 sq ft, four bedroom house in Ohio for the same price.

Yes, it’s sickening. And asks the question: why do people live in Manhattan when you can have so much more someplace else? Someone once told me, you stay in New York for one of three things “career, love, or money”. So obviously for me, it would be for love, and for my husband, it would be his career. But I think it’s more than that too.

This weekend, the thought crossed my mind that we might actually stay in the city (like forever). A year ago, that was an absurd impossibility. What do you mean stay in New York with kids? But I need a house, and a dining table, and a car in the suburbs. I need space with normal people. I want my kids to have a yard and play sports after school.

Well the more time I spend in the city, the less I want to eat at the same Italian or Mexican restaurant in the suburbs every Friday night. The less I want to drive 20 minutes to pick up milk. The less I want my kids to live in a sanitized fishbowl with other guppies that look and act just like them. (Future post about my fear of raising Gossip Girl kids to come.)

A friend gave me some great advice about having a baby in the city. Most importantly, she said think about what you NEED and what you don’t NEED. For example, you probably don’t need a baby monitor when your child sleeps 5 feet away from you. You probably don’t need BOTH a swing and a bouncer, because you just won’t have the space. On the other hand, you NEED to invest in a really great stroller because walking 50 streets or 5 miles isn’t so out of the ordinary.

Sure, more living space is my biggest concern (Need? Want? Need?). I’d love to be decorating a nursery for my son instead of squeezing his portable crib into a corner in our room. I’d much rather be picking out nursery furniture than cleaning out a drawer in my own dresser to store his little wardrobe. But with the going rate for an additional 100 sq ft bedroom at $1000 more per month, I don’t think my son NEEDs his own room right now.

The good news is that instead of his own room, I can give my son so much more just by living in New York. I’ll give him the Highline and Hudson River Park. I’ll give him music class, kids yoga, and Billy’s Bakery. I’ll give him swim lessons at Chelsea Piers or skateboarding at the skate park or mini-golf at Pier 25. I’ll give him the Bronx Zoo and Central Park Zoo. I’ll give him the dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum. I’ll give him the beach at grandma’s and grandpa’s in the summer and ice skating at Rockefeller Center or Bryant Park in the winter.

Maybe one day, I’ll decide I really do need the space and move out of the city (like many parents before us). But for now, I think we have everything we need.

NYC restaurants have high chairs! …Oh, and I saw Debra Messing

Last night, my loving husband took me to Almond, an American/French bistro type restaurant in Flatiron boasting market fresh ingredients and a good wine list. This was the first of our newly inaugurated weekly dates in which my husband plans to leave work early so we can spend some quality time together (his idea).

We made a 6 pm reservation on Savored.com which gives you 30% off your total bill of food and drinks for a nominal $10 reservation fee. It’s a great way to explore the NYC dining scene and save a few bucks.

Since we want to take advantage of the warmer spring evenings and daylight hours, we made it an early dinner. Not to mention, my pregnant stomach is grumbling around that time. (So long to trendy late night dining, unless it’s second dinner!)

Well our 6 pm reservation introduced us to a whole new dining scene. First, people in NYC do eat before 9pm! The restaurant was packed. Second, people in NYC do eat at restaurants with their children!

I don’t know why I found this out of the ordinary, but seeing a wooden high chair (red lobster style) at a trendy NYC restaurant triggered the song “one of these things is not like the other” in my head!

I thought “cool” and checked out the mom who was “cool” enough to bring her baby out on the town. Well, there sat Debra Messing, even “cooler”! She was dining with another female companion who I presume was the mom since Debra has a 7 year old (I googled it). I promptly sat at my table facing her table so I could spy on her and observe the babe in the high chair.

Debra left shortly after I arrived (probably because she was appearing on David Letterman that night, so pops). Lucky for my husband, my attention shifted back to the restaurant and my date.

Until I was expecting, I didn't really notice how kid-friendly the city can be. In fact, I thought the opposite. Now, I see pregnant bellies on the subway everywhere I go. And 90% of the time, someone will offer me their seat. I’m constantly straining my neck to check out the brand of strollers rolling by. (Yes, I've even stopped someone and asked them how they liked their UppaBABY Cruz). And apparently when the timing is right (early dinner or brunch), kids are brought to hip restaurants and waiters break out the secret stash of high chairs. After all, parents eat too, just a little earlier! 

Not my mom's maternity clothes

As a young pregnant woman in New York, I still want to look good... for me, for my husband, and for everyone else who's ever speculated as to what is going on with my mid-region. I don't want to look or feel any bigger than I already am. That rules out any clothes my mom may have worn in the 80s and 90s (sorry mom). But loose baggy clothes just look awful. Why wear a tent? Plus, I want people to think that I'm pregnant, not that I'm hiding a beer belly.

Here are my essentials:

Skinny jeans - Who am I kidding, at 12 weeks there was no way I was buttoning my jeans. During my first trimester, I used belly bands, basically tube tops for your belly to hold your pants up without buttoning them. Then, I bought two pairs of maternity skinny jeans, one from the Gap and one from Old Navy. They both have the belly panel that comes up to your boobs. They are super comfy and keep their skinny shape. Just because I have a growing belly, doesn’t mean I want a baggy ass too.

Black trousers - aka yoga pants for work. I have one pair of these from Old Navy maternity that I wear a couple times per week at work. They have a loose waist band and still look professional. Considering I’ve worn them so much, they’ve also held up great after multiple washings.

Spring dresses - At the first sign of 60 degree temps, I purchased about five colorful and trendy cotton maternity spring dresses from Old Navy. I think maxi dresses are so cute with a bump. Old Navy has great prices and frequent sales. One time, they were offering 30% off AFTER I had already submitted an order but gave me the discount anyway when I called customer service. Excellent!

Long fitted tops - Kill me if I ever wear a shirt that says ‘bun in the oven’ – seriously, who does that now-a-days? Honestly, I have bought as few tops as possible because during the winter I could easily wear long sweaters and button-up-shirts from pre-pregnancy. Recently, I bought some maternity long ribbed tanks with ruching on the sides to nicely fit the bump. They're great for layering under cardigans or button-up-shirts that you can no longer button. I also love layering tanks or cami’s under normal shirts and they stick out a few extra inches at the bottom for extra coverage. For the first six months, I also wore flowy tops and loose “bubble” dresses that I owned pre-pregnancy.

Leggings - I still wear my normal black leggings. Thank God these are trendy! I purchased 2 great pairs of black leggings with a belly panel from Old Navy but I actually prefer normal leggings now that I’m bigger with a waist band resting under my belly.

Swimwear - There are plenty of cute maternity options out there, one piece or two piece, that don't involve a grandma skirt. For my upcoming babymoon, I purchased a maternity tankini top and a halter bikini top with extra coverage and support to accommodate my growing bust. I'm not afraid to show the belly at this point and luckily I don't have any stretch marks to hide. Otherwise, I've also seen cute cover up dresses and wraps.

While its easy to go into a shopping-frenzy for maternity clothes and baby stuff, my husband's shopping manta has been "do you need it now?". Which I think is a good way to approach maternity clothing. Who knows how fast or how much weight I'll gain throughout my pregnancy, so why buy items too early or items I'll outgrow. Extending the life of my current wardrobe and buying only essential versatile pieces has really paid off. Did I mention I look good too?

My obsession with prenatal yoga

There are a lot of things I can't do now that I'm pregnant (rollerblading and skiing to name a few). So I was thrilled to find a prenatal yoga class that I LOVE! Initially, I had my doubts. I've practiced basic yoga a few times before, but never considered myself a devoted yogi. Mainly, I didn’t want to walk into a class of crunchy granola earth mothers.

I picked Yoga Vida in Union Square because of the great reviews on Yelp.com. The class is 90 minutes every Sunday. From my very first class at 14 weeks, I was hooked. 

First, Cat the instructor is super informed on how pregnancy affects our bodies and she is a certified doula on top of her yoga training. Every pose and stretch in yoga is specifically designed with a pregnant woman’s body in mind. For example, at the beginning of class, we go around and introduce ourselves and share any ailments we’ve been experiencing like lower back pain, leg cramps, the usual. Cat usually responds with a medical explanation as to why we are experience those aches and pains (growing uterus, sacroiliac joint pain, pressure on our sciatic nerve – see don’t I sound smart?!) and which poses will help us stretch or eliminate the discomfort or which poses to modify as to not irritate it.

Second, it’s nice to be in a room of my peers. I don’t just feel like the whining pregnant lady, I feel like one of many whining pregnant ladies. It’s also comforting to know other preggies are experiencing the same symptoms as me. Plus, I’m making pregnant friends which will come in handy when we are all new moms around the same time.

Third, there is an element of mediation and relaxation involved. At the beginning and end of each class, we have about 5 minutes of total quiet and relaxation where we clear our minds and just be still. Throughout class, we are instructed to think about our babies and how each pose affects their position too. I leave yoga feeling so relaxed and happy (until I hear the honking taxi’s on the street outside).

Fourth, Cat explains how many of the positions can be brought into labor to help move the baby into the right spot to advance labor. The breathing can be applied to labor too. Not like crazy “hee hee hooo” Lamaze breathing, just conscious equal parts inhale and exhale to try to stay focused on the present moment instead of screaming and stressing out.

After 12 weeks of attendance, I recognize the regulars now. It’s fun to see how all of our bodies are growing  and when someone doesn’t make it to class in late pregnancy, I wonder if she had her baby. One day, that will be me and I’ll have to remember to email Cat to tell her my zen baby has arrived.

Have you ever carried around poop in your purse?

I've been the mother to a french bulldog for five years now. She is my first baby! And yes, today there is poop in my purse (it's just a stool sample for the vet, not an intentional pooping). But I think the fact that I'm willing to carry around poop in my purse all day pretty much says that I'm a good mom already.

I tell all my friends to get a dog before you have kids. It's a segue to children. Having a pet has taught my husband and I plenty about responsibility, family, and love.

I remember the day we picked up our 8 week old puppy, I cried at the sight of her. It was true love! The first week was a blur of sleepless nights with a yelping puppy who didn't want to sleep alone in her bed outside our room. We fought pee stains on the carpet. And we argued about who’s turn it was to carry her from our apartment on the 10^th floor to the grass outside at 6am on Saturday.

When I went out of town, my husband broke the rule and let her sleep under the covers with him, only to wake up in the middle of the night when she relieved herself on his leg.

I’ll never forget the 4am phone call on our first night in Hawaii from our dog sitter to tell us the elevator had closed on our darling 3 month old and it broke her leg! I cried for hours. I was such a bad mom! Needless to say, I cried even more when we received the bill from our vet. My husband and I questioned ourselves, should we have gotten a dog and can we afford to take care of her? Are we doing the right thing?

Then came Saturday afternoons spent at smush-nose dog playgroup. She was the fat kid. There was no doubt about it. She was roly and poly and tailed the other dogs in the chase.

My husband and I still accuse each other of loving the dog more than our spouse. Sofa or bed, she is always in the middle of us. If only I could get the scratches and rubs that she receives in the crook of my husband's arm. 

The summers spent at the beach in Connecticut are among her favorite times. She loves to run on the beach, free to sniff and pee on whatever pleased her. Over the last four seasons, she has slowly crept from sand to water's edge and finally to wading up to her neck in low tide. But don’t ask her to try to swim any deeper, that still makes her quiver.

And when mom and dad leave with our suitcases without her, she howls. Really? Who knew a little bulldog could make that pitiful sound?

The point is, she is my baby, my first baby. And although I can’t imagine loving anything more than her, I feel my heart already making room for the new love in my life. 

They never told me about a rash

This could be worse than labor, (I'll let you know in 3 months)! I discovered a red, bumpy, itchy rash on the back of my legs. The next morning, it had spread to my butt cheeks as well. I promptly bought some Cortizone 10 that didn't really help relieve the itch at all. This was so weird! I turned to Google, searching "pregnancy rash". Ugh, to my horror, this was an actual thing "chronic hives-like rash" that happens to 1 out of 200 women during pregnancy, 70% of them expecting boys (did I mention I'm having a boy)! It's abbreviated PUPPP. You can wikipedia it.

By evening of day 2, I was slathering A+D ointment on top of Cortizone 10 followed by sitting on a nice cold ice pack. It was intolerable to say the least! This routine continued every 2 hours through the night, in the attempt of getting some relief. In the morning, I went to a neighborhood urgent care clinic. The doctor diagnosed it as a contact allergic reaction (but to what? it's winter, and my white legs haven't seen the light of day in months). I mentioned PUPPP and after she Googled it herself, she said "well you learn something new everyday". Knowing the only cure for the PUPPP rash is labor, I broke down sobbing in tears on the street. I was only 23 weeks, how could I wait that long!?

Do I have to tell you that the $10 ounce size tube of prescription topical steroid cream did nothing? Not to mention, I could have emptied the entire little tube on one ass cheek! I had to take matters into my own hands! I turned back to the world wide web... Babycenter.com had an extensive message board thread on this topic. I could literally see the tears on the screen as hundreds of women asked each other for cures and shared their attempts at remedying the rash from hell.

After tallying the most common solutions, I bought "Grandpa's Pine Tar Soap" and all natural aloe vera gelly from a health store. After lathering with this brown bar of soap from the 1800's, I had temporary relief. The aloe cooled the hot surface of the rash. I still was sitting on ice, finding solstice in being numb in general. Thank goodness it was the weekend, so I could treat the rash every few hours, shower every 5 hours, refresh my ice pack, and air out my tush in the comfort of my own home.

Drying the rash out helped way more than any moisture cream or lotion. I also took Benadyrl to help me sleep at night (I prayed I made it at least 4 hours at a time). Although I emailed my "pregnancy council" of 10 girlfriends, none of them had experienced any kind of rash. =(

On day 6, I had a flare up! Why!? It had been going so well! I think this was honestly stress induced (from work)! My trusted home remedies weren't providing any relief and I stayed home from work the next day. I tried Sarna cream, poison ivy cream, diaper rash cream, and Aveno oatmeal bath in my fight to battle the itch. Willing to try ANYTHING, I searched for "home remedies" or "holistic rash treatments" online. I found convincing testimonials on Earth Clinic by people swearing by Apple Cider Vinegar, Coconut Oil, and Aloe Vera to treat any rash, eczema or acne. At this point, I would have asked my husband to pee on me, if it would have helped!

After showering with Grandpa's Soap, I applied pure Apple Cider Vinegar to the rash. It burned a little from me scratching, but about an hour later, I felt okay. I slept through the night and the next morning, the rash was 50% better! I could not believe it! I continued using ACV in the morning and evening after bathing with the soap. It's been 2 weeks and my rash is completely cured! It's still hasn't completely disappeared, but it is not raised, inflamed, red or itchy. I later read the ingredients in Grandpa's Soap included Coconut Oil - what are the odds!?

This could have been the worst experience of my pregnancy life (I hope nothing is worse than this anyway)! But I have some pretty strong take-aways... A) All natural/organic foods/remedies did wonders that medicine could not do. B) I will approach my son's future diaper rash with a new educated perspective. I like to try an all natural cream versus medicated. My friend loves Emily's Skin Soothers (I'm looking forward to trying it on my dog's itchy feet too). C) I'm avoiding all medicated creams or even body lotions with fragrance for the rest of my pregnancy. D) I'm washing all my clothes, sheets, and towels with baby detergent Dreft for the rest of my pregnancy. E) When my son is born, I will cherish the sleepless nights WITHOUT pain, at least I will not be trying to scratch my ass off!

We all know pregnancy does crazy ass shit to your body, so whether it was PUPPP or a legitimate contact allergic reaction, I'm not sure. (My OBGYN doesn't seem to think it was PUPPP). If my skin wants to be just as sensitive as my emotions, I will treat it with care.

*Thank you also to my own Grandma who recommend vinegar as an old all-natural rash treatment and my mother-in-law who suggested aloe vera worked on her niece's diaper rash that was untreatable by medicated products.